I’m still here, I promise! And I haven’t even fallen off the wagon! I haven’t been entirely ON the wagon, but I haven’t fallen off either. I’m kind of mostly on, but one of my legs is over the side as if maybe I’m going to jump. That’s why I realized I needed to get a post up here. I have to keep myself accountable!
If we go back to Friday’s entry, you’ll see that I was preparing myself for dinner out with my mom and my sister. I had decided to have ribs, macaroni and cheese, and grilled vegetables. Well, I had the ribs and the macaroni and cheese, but I caved and had cornbread instead of the grilled vegetables. I also had a cup of Cajun beef and rice soup before dinner, which ALSO came with a piece of cornbread. And to top it all off, I shared a brownie sundae with my mom and sister. I could bang my head against a wall and declare failure, but here’s why I do NOT consider Friday a failure: I ordered the half-rack of ribs, even though I wanted the full-rack. I did not eat all of my macaroni and cheese, even though it was delicious. I did not order an appetizer, besides the soup, even though they looked delicious. I shared one dessert with two other people, instead of getting my own. And I drank Diet Coke, instead of beer or a cocktail. Those are all things I did differently than I would have were I OFF the wagon, so I’m counting it as a moderate success. AND I got right back on track on Saturday.
Sunday, however, was another story. I ate and ate and ate everything I could get my hands on. I was like a bottomless pit. I’m expecting my “monthly friend”, so it could have been PMS that created those urges, but damn did I give in to them. Oh well, live and learn. I got right back on track yesterday, and I’m on track today, and I’m choosing to focus on that instead. I could have let Sunday (or even Friday) completely derail my efforts for the week, but I didn’t. I have to keep reminding myself that this is not a race or an “all or nothing” journey. This is for life, and sometimes you just have to have cornbread.
As for the drinking-once-a-week thing, I did not drink on Saturday night (I almost ALWAYS do). However, I did have two drinks at a birthday party I went to on Sunday (which is not what started the binge-fest, though…two drinks doesn’t have much of an effect on me). When I realized that I didn’t need to be drinking, I stopped. I didn’t keep drinking for the hell of it, so that’s good. I have bowling tonight, but I haven’t decided if I’m going or not. My mom is having knee surgery, so I’m going to visit her after work, and it depends on how alert she is. If she’s out of it, she told me not to skip bowling. She’s such a mom like that. Luckily the hospital is near the bowling alley, so if I do decide to go, it’s not as though I have to travel far. We’ll see how tonight plays out.
Exercise…sigh. I DID go to the gym on Saturday and spent 45 minutes on the elliptical. I did not go to the gym during my bingefest on Sunday, and I didn’t exercise yesterday. It is so, so hard for me to get up in the morning. I have to, though, because I can always talk myself out of working out in the evening. It’s going to be even tougher than normal to get up in the mornings this week, since temperatures are going to drop sharply this afternoon…I’m talking 4 degrees and -20 windchills. Dammit. I HAVE to work on this.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Taco-flavored Kisses
First things first…can I get a woot woot(!) that it’s Friday!? I am very much looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. For some reason I have been exhausted all week. I think it’s because I usually get 8 hours of sleep (I’m hypothyroid and need as much sleep as possible, which really sucks…I wish I could be one of those people who is able to function on 6 hours a night), but this week I’ve probably gotten around 7 hours a night and I think it has really messed with me. I’ve been so freakin’ tired every day.
Last night while Samson and I were having dinner (Betty Crocker’s Impossibly Easy Taco Pie, recipe below), I was telling him about my decision to cut back on the amount of alcohol I drink. He agreed with he needs to cut back as well (although he drinks less than I do, since he doesn’t bowl in a league). That makes it a little bit easier, but still not as easy as it should be. The problem is that he works second shift, so a lot of my social activities happen without him. The rest of my group will likely continue pounding them down, so his support isn’t going to help as much as you’d think, but it’s still nice to know that we’re on the same page. My weight loss weeks go from Friday through Thursday. I have the option to have drinks this weekend if I’d like, because Tuesday I won’t be bowling. My mom is having knee surgery, so instead of bowling after work I’ll be heading over to the hospital to spend the evening with her. I’m not going to drink just for the hell of it, though. We’ll see what social opportunities present themselves. :o)
Speaking of weight loss, today is my first Weight Watchers meeting at the meeting that I’m going to try to attend regularly. I had been going to Monday night meetings (although the holidays made that somewhat inconsistent, which is why in my mind I started “fresh” as of last Monday), but I much prefer a morning or lunchtime meeting. However, the only morning meetings I can attend are on Saturdays, and Saturday is generally the only day of the week that I can sleep a little bit later than normal. My work office was relocated to a different suburb of my city (we’ll be there for about 14 months) and there’s a Friday 12:15 meeting nearby, so I’m going to try to attend that meeting on a regular basis. I hope the leader is good. Leaders can absolutely make or break the meetings. To be honest, I’m not much of a meeting person. I go because every once and a while some little tidbit comes up that resonates with me, or somebody inspires me, but for the most part I find the meetings boring and very…well, at the risk of offending some people, housewivey. While that isn’t a bad thing, it doesn’t really translate to my life as a professional very well. Going to the meetings does help motivate me, though, because I’m less likely to throw in the towel if somebody else is weighing me. So I weigh in at lunchtime today. I’m hoping for a decent loss, although honestly any loss will do. Losing bigger numbers is nice, but I’m trying not to run a race this time around. I’ll take anything, as long as it’s a loss. *EDIT: I went to my meeting, and I love the leader! She's actually the leader that does the meetings I used to go to when I worked downtown! Yay! However, I maintained...no gain, but no loss, which is odd because my home scale showed me down from last week on my home scale. Oh well, it could be because the scales are calibrated differently. I'm not going to worry about it, I'm simply going to make sure I work hard to show a loss next week!*
Tonight my mom, my sister and I are having a little girls’ night out. My mom needs a good pair of sneakers for her rehabilitation after her surgery, so my sister and I are buying them for her. Then the three of us are going to dinner at a restaurant that specializes in barbecue. I’ve already planned for a bit of a splurge with the ribs and macaroni and cheese I’ll be having, but instead of cornbread or potato salad for my second side I’ll be having grilled vegetables. I’ve also compensated for the big dinner with the rest of my menu for today, so I won’t even have to use more than 10 or so flex points. I’ve been pretty pleased with how this week has gone, and I want to stay strong into the weekend. I also plan on starting to exercise again this week. I’m going to start with tomorrow morning so as to start the weekend off on a positive note (weekends are always my downfall) and go from there. I’m going to have to try to fit in some morning workouts, since with my mom in the hospital all week I’m going to have to spend most evenings with her, but I am determined to get this weight off, and the most effective way to do that is with both healthy eating and exercise.
And now, the recipe for Betty Crocker's Impossibly Easy Taco Pie:
1 pound of lean ground beef
1 medium onion, chopped (1/2 cup)
1 package of Old El Paso taco seasoning mix
1 can (4.5 ounces) of chopped green chiles, drained
1 cup of milk
2 eggs
1/2 cup of Original Bisquick mix
3/4 cup of shredded Monterey Jack or Cheddar cheese (3 ounces)
Salsa (optional)
Sour cream (optional)
1. Heat oven to 400 F. Grease 9 inch pie pan. Cook ground beef and onion in skillet over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until beef is brown; drain. Stir in taco seasoning mix. Spoon into pie pan; top with chiles.
2. Stir milk, eggs and Bisquick mix until blended. Pour into pie pan.
3. Bake about 25 minutes or until knife inserted in center comes out clean. Sprinkle with cheese. Bake 8 to 10 minutes longer. Cool 5 minutes. Serve with salsa and sour cream.
Nutritional information (per serving, makes 6 servings): 305 calories, 19 grams of fat, 1 gram of fiber.
This recipe is so, so delicious and super easy. Samson and I really enjoyed it. Some modifications I made: I used extra lean ground beef, but I also think ground turkey would taste fine. I used 2% milk. Instead of 3 ounces of cheddar cheese, I used 2 ounces of Weight Watchers reduced fat cheddar cheese, and it was more than enough. We also used FF sour cream as a topper, along with salsa, tomatos, and lettuce. We used 6 ounces of diced jalapenos instead of the chiles since we really like spicy foods. We baked it for 25 minutes, but after we put the cheese on, it only needs about 5 more minutes in oven (just enough to melt the cheese). I'll warn you, though, it's hard to eat only one serving, because it's excellent!
Last night while Samson and I were having dinner (Betty Crocker’s Impossibly Easy Taco Pie, recipe below), I was telling him about my decision to cut back on the amount of alcohol I drink. He agreed with he needs to cut back as well (although he drinks less than I do, since he doesn’t bowl in a league). That makes it a little bit easier, but still not as easy as it should be. The problem is that he works second shift, so a lot of my social activities happen without him. The rest of my group will likely continue pounding them down, so his support isn’t going to help as much as you’d think, but it’s still nice to know that we’re on the same page. My weight loss weeks go from Friday through Thursday. I have the option to have drinks this weekend if I’d like, because Tuesday I won’t be bowling. My mom is having knee surgery, so instead of bowling after work I’ll be heading over to the hospital to spend the evening with her. I’m not going to drink just for the hell of it, though. We’ll see what social opportunities present themselves. :o)
Speaking of weight loss, today is my first Weight Watchers meeting at the meeting that I’m going to try to attend regularly. I had been going to Monday night meetings (although the holidays made that somewhat inconsistent, which is why in my mind I started “fresh” as of last Monday), but I much prefer a morning or lunchtime meeting. However, the only morning meetings I can attend are on Saturdays, and Saturday is generally the only day of the week that I can sleep a little bit later than normal. My work office was relocated to a different suburb of my city (we’ll be there for about 14 months) and there’s a Friday 12:15 meeting nearby, so I’m going to try to attend that meeting on a regular basis. I hope the leader is good. Leaders can absolutely make or break the meetings. To be honest, I’m not much of a meeting person. I go because every once and a while some little tidbit comes up that resonates with me, or somebody inspires me, but for the most part I find the meetings boring and very…well, at the risk of offending some people, housewivey. While that isn’t a bad thing, it doesn’t really translate to my life as a professional very well. Going to the meetings does help motivate me, though, because I’m less likely to throw in the towel if somebody else is weighing me. So I weigh in at lunchtime today. I’m hoping for a decent loss, although honestly any loss will do. Losing bigger numbers is nice, but I’m trying not to run a race this time around. I’ll take anything, as long as it’s a loss. *EDIT: I went to my meeting, and I love the leader! She's actually the leader that does the meetings I used to go to when I worked downtown! Yay! However, I maintained...no gain, but no loss, which is odd because my home scale showed me down from last week on my home scale. Oh well, it could be because the scales are calibrated differently. I'm not going to worry about it, I'm simply going to make sure I work hard to show a loss next week!*
Tonight my mom, my sister and I are having a little girls’ night out. My mom needs a good pair of sneakers for her rehabilitation after her surgery, so my sister and I are buying them for her. Then the three of us are going to dinner at a restaurant that specializes in barbecue. I’ve already planned for a bit of a splurge with the ribs and macaroni and cheese I’ll be having, but instead of cornbread or potato salad for my second side I’ll be having grilled vegetables. I’ve also compensated for the big dinner with the rest of my menu for today, so I won’t even have to use more than 10 or so flex points. I’ve been pretty pleased with how this week has gone, and I want to stay strong into the weekend. I also plan on starting to exercise again this week. I’m going to start with tomorrow morning so as to start the weekend off on a positive note (weekends are always my downfall) and go from there. I’m going to have to try to fit in some morning workouts, since with my mom in the hospital all week I’m going to have to spend most evenings with her, but I am determined to get this weight off, and the most effective way to do that is with both healthy eating and exercise.
And now, the recipe for Betty Crocker's Impossibly Easy Taco Pie:
1 pound of lean ground beef
1 medium onion, chopped (1/2 cup)
1 package of Old El Paso taco seasoning mix
1 can (4.5 ounces) of chopped green chiles, drained
1 cup of milk
2 eggs
1/2 cup of Original Bisquick mix
3/4 cup of shredded Monterey Jack or Cheddar cheese (3 ounces)
Salsa (optional)
Sour cream (optional)
1. Heat oven to 400 F. Grease 9 inch pie pan. Cook ground beef and onion in skillet over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until beef is brown; drain. Stir in taco seasoning mix. Spoon into pie pan; top with chiles.
2. Stir milk, eggs and Bisquick mix until blended. Pour into pie pan.
3. Bake about 25 minutes or until knife inserted in center comes out clean. Sprinkle with cheese. Bake 8 to 10 minutes longer. Cool 5 minutes. Serve with salsa and sour cream.
Nutritional information (per serving, makes 6 servings): 305 calories, 19 grams of fat, 1 gram of fiber.
This recipe is so, so delicious and super easy. Samson and I really enjoyed it. Some modifications I made: I used extra lean ground beef, but I also think ground turkey would taste fine. I used 2% milk. Instead of 3 ounces of cheddar cheese, I used 2 ounces of Weight Watchers reduced fat cheddar cheese, and it was more than enough. We also used FF sour cream as a topper, along with salsa, tomatos, and lettuce. We used 6 ounces of diced jalapenos instead of the chiles since we really like spicy foods. We baked it for 25 minutes, but after we put the cheese on, it only needs about 5 more minutes in oven (just enough to melt the cheese). I'll warn you, though, it's hard to eat only one serving, because it's excellent!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Take One Down, Pass it Around
I mentioned in my last entry that I had two tangible goals. Of course I have an overall weight goal in mind, which is on the sidebar on the right. That would get me into (or pretty close to) a healthy weight range for my height. As I get lower, I may find that that number may not be a feasible number for my body, and I may have to re-evaluate, but for now that’s the ultimate goal I have in mind. As a post-college adult, the lowest weight I’ve seen has been 182, which was just before my wedding back in 2002. I figure once I get back there, I can figure out what to do from there, with the help of my doctor. My doctor told me he would be happy just to see me under 200 and maintain there, but I still think that’s too much weight for me.
As stated, I have two more tangible goals that are event-related, rather than just related to a specific number on the scale. They are as follows:
1. To go on my cruise to Alaska this summer at a lower weight than I was when I went on my cruise to Hawaii in 2004.
2. To be able to go to an amusement park this summer without worrying about whether or not I’ll be able to fit on any of the rides.
As to the first goal, when we went on a cruise to Hawaii in 2004 I weighed about 220 pounds. I came back weighing about 234 pounds. My goal for my July cruise to Alaska is to weigh less than 220 pounds and to come back weighing no more than 225 pounds. Tough? No doubt. That gives me 6 months to lose about 48 pounds, for a total of 8 pounds a month. I’m not giving myself much leeway for “off program” weeks or less than stellar effort. Possible? Absolutely, if I stick to the program. Will I beat myself up if I don’t make it? Nope, but I will if I don’t give it my all and try my best to make it. Avoiding beating-up-on-myself is a great incentive to do well.
On the second goal, I don’t have a particular weight in mind for this one. I think if I make or even get near my first goal, I should be okay. All I know is that when I went to an amusement park in 2005, there were certain rides that I couldn’t fit on, and I probably weighed about 240 at that point. The only way this goal will have to change is if I get pregnant between now and then, but I don’t see that happening. I am buying a house this year and I want to wait to have kids until I find (and buy) my house. I also just can’t put any more weight on my poor, overworked body. That’s another reason I have to seriously get my ass in gear. These ovaries ain’t gettin’ any younger!
One of the things I think I really need to do to help me achieve these goals is to cut down on the amount of alcohol I drink each week. Right now I generally drink alcohol two nights per week: once while I bowl (I’m in a weekly bowling league), when I generally have 4-6 light beers, and once on a weekend night, generally Saturday, where again I have a bunch of drinks. I do try to stick to light beer or liquor with 0-calorie mixers, but it’s still empty calories that add up. Plus, when I drink, my judgment when it comes to food goes out the window, and then I end up overeating crappy food, in addition to the calories from the alcohol that are going into my body. I definitely need to cut down, not only for the sake of my weight and my health, but also because alcoholism is very prevalent in my family, and I certainly don’t need to go down that slippery slope. Ideally I’d cut out drinking alcohol altogether, except on special occasions, but I know in my life that just isn’t going to be feasible. My bowling league is a social league, not a professional one, and while I’m sure I can go some weeks without drinking, I’m not going to go every week without doing so. Most of my friends like to drink, and they tend to organize social activities that involve copious amounts of alcohol. Again, I can and will abstain sometimes, but knowing myself I won’t (and won’t want to) abstain every time. So, my plan is this: instead of drinking 2 nights a week, I’m going to cut down to one night a week. That means if I want to drink at bowling, that’s fine, but no drinks on the weekend. If I drink on the weekend, no drinks at bowling. We’ll work that for the next three months and see how that works out, and re-evaluate from there (with the exception of my 5-day vacation to Florida and the Bahamas coming up in the first week of February, when all bets are off!).
In case you can’t tell, I’m all about trying things and re-evaluating if they don’t work. I’m tired of the all-or-nothing approach that has let me down in the past. This year is about trial and error, and most of all, perseverance.
As stated, I have two more tangible goals that are event-related, rather than just related to a specific number on the scale. They are as follows:
1. To go on my cruise to Alaska this summer at a lower weight than I was when I went on my cruise to Hawaii in 2004.
2. To be able to go to an amusement park this summer without worrying about whether or not I’ll be able to fit on any of the rides.
As to the first goal, when we went on a cruise to Hawaii in 2004 I weighed about 220 pounds. I came back weighing about 234 pounds. My goal for my July cruise to Alaska is to weigh less than 220 pounds and to come back weighing no more than 225 pounds. Tough? No doubt. That gives me 6 months to lose about 48 pounds, for a total of 8 pounds a month. I’m not giving myself much leeway for “off program” weeks or less than stellar effort. Possible? Absolutely, if I stick to the program. Will I beat myself up if I don’t make it? Nope, but I will if I don’t give it my all and try my best to make it. Avoiding beating-up-on-myself is a great incentive to do well.
On the second goal, I don’t have a particular weight in mind for this one. I think if I make or even get near my first goal, I should be okay. All I know is that when I went to an amusement park in 2005, there were certain rides that I couldn’t fit on, and I probably weighed about 240 at that point. The only way this goal will have to change is if I get pregnant between now and then, but I don’t see that happening. I am buying a house this year and I want to wait to have kids until I find (and buy) my house. I also just can’t put any more weight on my poor, overworked body. That’s another reason I have to seriously get my ass in gear. These ovaries ain’t gettin’ any younger!
One of the things I think I really need to do to help me achieve these goals is to cut down on the amount of alcohol I drink each week. Right now I generally drink alcohol two nights per week: once while I bowl (I’m in a weekly bowling league), when I generally have 4-6 light beers, and once on a weekend night, generally Saturday, where again I have a bunch of drinks. I do try to stick to light beer or liquor with 0-calorie mixers, but it’s still empty calories that add up. Plus, when I drink, my judgment when it comes to food goes out the window, and then I end up overeating crappy food, in addition to the calories from the alcohol that are going into my body. I definitely need to cut down, not only for the sake of my weight and my health, but also because alcoholism is very prevalent in my family, and I certainly don’t need to go down that slippery slope. Ideally I’d cut out drinking alcohol altogether, except on special occasions, but I know in my life that just isn’t going to be feasible. My bowling league is a social league, not a professional one, and while I’m sure I can go some weeks without drinking, I’m not going to go every week without doing so. Most of my friends like to drink, and they tend to organize social activities that involve copious amounts of alcohol. Again, I can and will abstain sometimes, but knowing myself I won’t (and won’t want to) abstain every time. So, my plan is this: instead of drinking 2 nights a week, I’m going to cut down to one night a week. That means if I want to drink at bowling, that’s fine, but no drinks on the weekend. If I drink on the weekend, no drinks at bowling. We’ll work that for the next three months and see how that works out, and re-evaluate from there (with the exception of my 5-day vacation to Florida and the Bahamas coming up in the first week of February, when all bets are off!).
In case you can’t tell, I’m all about trying things and re-evaluating if they don’t work. I’m tired of the all-or-nothing approach that has let me down in the past. This year is about trial and error, and most of all, perseverance.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Hey Good-Lookin'
So far my first week back on plan is going very well. The key has been planning and preparation, which is generally the case with me. If I’m left without a plan, local restaurants begin calling my name, whether it’s pizza, chicken wings, ham subs, chicken fingers, spaghetti parm…any of those get louder and louder whenever I don’t have a plan. To avoid this, Monday night after work I went grocery shopping. The more healthy choices I have in the house, the easier it is for me to eat those healthy choices. I bought 2 pounds of chicken breast, some green peppers, some grape tomatoes, some bananas and clementines, some Dannon Light and Fit yogurt, some lettuce, and some tortillas. I bought some bleu cheese and some feta cheese (NOT reduced fat, the full fat kind), and some sliced almonds and walnuts. I bought some Weight Watchers reduced fat cheddar squares because I had a coupon AND they were on sale (bonus!). I got some lean ground beef and some onions. My cart was full of healthy, delicious, flavorful foods, and it was a pleasure doing that type of shopping, knowing I was making healthy choices that were going to nourish my body.
I cooked the chicken breasts by baking them in the oven with a small amount of water (to keep them moist) as soon as I got home. While the chicken breasts were cooking, I chopped up the green peppers and washed the grape tomatoes. I also made some fat free garlic dip (using a Tastefully Simple Garlic Garlic spice, fat free mayo and fat free sour cream). When the chicken was done, I cut each breast into halves and put them each into a plastic bag, making it easy for me to grab one while making my lunch in the morning. By simply taking one evening to prepare for the week, I’ve had the most delicious meals that I’ve had in quite a long time. Yesterday for lunch I had a salad with chicken breast, bleu cheese, walnuts, crunchy lo mein noodles and light balsamic vinaigrette. It tasted incredible, like something I’d order at a restaurant. Today for lunch I had an Asian Chicken Wrap using a recipe I found on the Weight Watchers website in the Community Recipe Swap (which was originally a Betty Crocker recipe that was modified to make it lighter. It was fan-damn-tastic, and I’m posting the recipe at the end so you can enjoy it as well. Tonight I’m going to have a salad with chicken breast, feta cheese, sliced almonds, and a low fat Greek dressing. Tomorrow night I’m making another Betty Crocker recipe, Impossibly Easy Taco Pie, since my honey (whom I’ll call Samson, to protect the innocent), but modified slightly to make it healthier. I’m also baking an Oatmeal Banana Nut Bread, another Weight Watchers recipe I found online. I know it’s only the first week, but so far I am so pleased with the way things are going.
Next challenge? Tackling exercise. I need to get my ass back in gear. I have two tangible goals, which I’ll discuss in more detail in my next entry. I ain’t gonna get there without exercise!
And now, as promised:
Asian Chicken Wraps
2 tbsp crunchy peanut butter
2 tbsp teriyaki sauce
1 tbsp packed brown sugar
1 tbsp hot water
1 tsp vegetable oil
4 fat free flour tortillas
8 slices cooked deli chicken breast (I used regular chicken breast)
1 1/2 cups shredded iceberg lettuce
1 1/2 cups shredded carrots (optional)
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro (optional)
In a small bowl whisk together peanut butter, teriyaki sauce, brown sugar, water & oil, until smooth.
Spread about 1 1/2 tbsp peanut butter mixture over each tortilla. Top each w/ 2 slices chicken, about 1/3 cup lettuce, about 1/3 cup carrots, & 2 tbsp cilantro.
Roll up tortillas.
Enjoy!
I cooked the chicken breasts by baking them in the oven with a small amount of water (to keep them moist) as soon as I got home. While the chicken breasts were cooking, I chopped up the green peppers and washed the grape tomatoes. I also made some fat free garlic dip (using a Tastefully Simple Garlic Garlic spice, fat free mayo and fat free sour cream). When the chicken was done, I cut each breast into halves and put them each into a plastic bag, making it easy for me to grab one while making my lunch in the morning. By simply taking one evening to prepare for the week, I’ve had the most delicious meals that I’ve had in quite a long time. Yesterday for lunch I had a salad with chicken breast, bleu cheese, walnuts, crunchy lo mein noodles and light balsamic vinaigrette. It tasted incredible, like something I’d order at a restaurant. Today for lunch I had an Asian Chicken Wrap using a recipe I found on the Weight Watchers website in the Community Recipe Swap (which was originally a Betty Crocker recipe that was modified to make it lighter. It was fan-damn-tastic, and I’m posting the recipe at the end so you can enjoy it as well. Tonight I’m going to have a salad with chicken breast, feta cheese, sliced almonds, and a low fat Greek dressing. Tomorrow night I’m making another Betty Crocker recipe, Impossibly Easy Taco Pie, since my honey (whom I’ll call Samson, to protect the innocent), but modified slightly to make it healthier. I’m also baking an Oatmeal Banana Nut Bread, another Weight Watchers recipe I found online. I know it’s only the first week, but so far I am so pleased with the way things are going.
Next challenge? Tackling exercise. I need to get my ass back in gear. I have two tangible goals, which I’ll discuss in more detail in my next entry. I ain’t gonna get there without exercise!
And now, as promised:
Asian Chicken Wraps
2 tbsp crunchy peanut butter
2 tbsp teriyaki sauce
1 tbsp packed brown sugar
1 tbsp hot water
1 tsp vegetable oil
4 fat free flour tortillas
8 slices cooked deli chicken breast (I used regular chicken breast)
1 1/2 cups shredded iceberg lettuce
1 1/2 cups shredded carrots (optional)
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro (optional)
In a small bowl whisk together peanut butter, teriyaki sauce, brown sugar, water & oil, until smooth.
Spread about 1 1/2 tbsp peanut butter mixture over each tortilla. Top each w/ 2 slices chicken, about 1/3 cup lettuce, about 1/3 cup carrots, & 2 tbsp cilantro.
Roll up tortillas.
Enjoy!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
So Tired
Screw this shit. I'm tired of being fat and feeling like I can't be the fun-loving, crazy chick that I am. I hate not wanting to draw attention to myself because I'm so big. I hate feeling foreign in my skin. I hate that most of my clothes don't fit, and that even the ones that DO fit don't really, they're too tight and I'm uncomfortable in them. I hate going shopping because I can never find anything that fits. Even shoes are too tight. I hate seeing an absolutely adorable shirt that I wish I could wear, but knowing that there's no way it will ever fit. I hate that my feet hurt all the time due to my plantar fasciitis, which, while it can't be entirely prevented by losing weight, can certainly be much better managed. I hate having chest pains (that I've had checked by a doctor, don't worry) and being scared that I'm having a heart attack. I'm 32 years old. Fear of a heart attack shouldn't even enter into the equation. I hate that I now weigh more than my previous "highest weight," which I swore would never happen. I hate that I'm a cliche, someone who lost weight and proceeded to gain it all back, plus 20 extra pounds. I hate that I'm afraid to go to amusement parks, because I won't fit into half of the rides. I hate that flying is uncomfortable, and that I try to fold into myself once I'm in the seat because I don't want to inconvenience the people next to me by having my body spill over into their space. I hate the way I keep wearing the same suits over and over again, not wanting to buy new suits until I "lose the weight," and that I look dowdy and frumpy even though I should look hot and powerful. I hate how I have all kinds of baseball caps because they fit who I am, the fun, sporty, athletic girl (who is also girly and cute and likes pink and make-up), yet I hardly ever wear them because they don't fit the way I look, which is most definitely not sporty and athletic. I hate that my belly sticks out like I'm pregnant. I hate that I can lean back in my chair and rest my hands on my belly, like I'm some sort of female Santa Claus. I hate that I now have a double chin, even though it's small...any double chin is horrible and I remember being a teenager and running my finger from my chin to my neck to make sure that no double chin was starting. I hate that, when I look at myself in pictures, my pretty features appear to be lost in fat. I hate that pictures do not present the picture of myself that I see in my head, which is a pretty, curvy woman. I hate feeling as though everybody looks at me and sees the weight I've gained, but of course nobody mentions the giant white elephant in the room. I hate the cellulite on my legs, and while I'm okay with some cellulite, I am in no way okay with what is there now. I hate that my doctor patiently tells me every time I visit that I should lose weight, even just 50 pounds (which sounds like a lot, but since I have 120 or so to go, really it's not even half). I hate feeling sorry for myself because I'm fat, and having a "woe is me" attitude about something that is absolutely within my power to change. I hate feeling inferior next to thin girls, simply due to the fact that I am overweight, even though I'm sure I have as much to offer as most of them do. I hate how people seem to overlook me as the fat girl in the room, or look at me as "so-and-so's girlfriend," or "so-and-so's cousin" or "so-and-so's friend," without seeing ME as my own person, for who I am. I hate having my clothes cut into me. I hate fearing getting pregnant, because I can hardly add any more weight onto my already overworked body. I hate this, and I'm so fucking tired of it, and I'm not doing this anymore. Fuck this. I want to be thin, or at least, healthy. I want to be able to run races for the hell of it. Not to win, just because it makes me feel good. I don't want to be the fat girl. I don't want to make fat jokes at my own expense. I want to be able to wear the clothes that are in my closet, and to go out shopping for new ones. I want to be able to wear cute shoes. I want to walk around and not have my feet ache. I want to be happy with my weight and feel comfortable in my skin. I want to get some of my self-confidence back.
So what am I going to do about it? I'm going to stop fucking around. I've allowed myself every excuse in the book for why I'm overweight, and why I deserve this, or why I deserve that, and I'm taking them all back and throwing them out the fucking window. I'm not going to let myself eat like a pig, simply because we're out to eat and it's a special occasion. So what if it's a special occasion? I can still make good choices and feel good about myself during and afterwards. That's not to say I won't work treats into my lifestyle, because sometimes life just calls for a well-planned piece of dark chocolate. I need to start cutting down on the amount of processed, chemical crap that goes into my body. I have to start eating healthier, more wholesome foods. I need to take care of myself, this poor body that I've abused for more than 31 years. I'm going to use my gym membership and workout videos and DVDs and exercise 5 to 6 days a week, no excuses. That's what works for me, and I know this. I cannot make excuses for why I can't go. I simply have to make the time. I am going to walk my dog every day. He loves going for walks, and I never take him because I'm lazy. That's crap. We both need the exercise, and it's not fair for me to deprive him of the walks he loves so much simply because I don't feel like it. Too-oo-ooh bad for me. So that's that. No big plan, just steps to a better, cleaner, healthier living. This long hedonistic period of overindulgence and crap living is so fucking over.
So what am I going to do about it? I'm going to stop fucking around. I've allowed myself every excuse in the book for why I'm overweight, and why I deserve this, or why I deserve that, and I'm taking them all back and throwing them out the fucking window. I'm not going to let myself eat like a pig, simply because we're out to eat and it's a special occasion. So what if it's a special occasion? I can still make good choices and feel good about myself during and afterwards. That's not to say I won't work treats into my lifestyle, because sometimes life just calls for a well-planned piece of dark chocolate. I need to start cutting down on the amount of processed, chemical crap that goes into my body. I have to start eating healthier, more wholesome foods. I need to take care of myself, this poor body that I've abused for more than 31 years. I'm going to use my gym membership and workout videos and DVDs and exercise 5 to 6 days a week, no excuses. That's what works for me, and I know this. I cannot make excuses for why I can't go. I simply have to make the time. I am going to walk my dog every day. He loves going for walks, and I never take him because I'm lazy. That's crap. We both need the exercise, and it's not fair for me to deprive him of the walks he loves so much simply because I don't feel like it. Too-oo-ooh bad for me. So that's that. No big plan, just steps to a better, cleaner, healthier living. This long hedonistic period of overindulgence and crap living is so fucking over.
Welcome to My Life
Okay, time to get down to business. While there are some details about me on the sidebar to the right, I wanted to post an entry with just a little bit more information about who I am, and why I've decided to start this anonymous blog. I have been keeping a blog for years. It started off as a weight loss blog, and then it gradually transitioned into a blog about my life in general. It became especially useful as a tool when I moved away from my hometown as a way to allow people to read about what I was up to and to keep in touch without having to write individual emails all the time, but therein lies the problem. All of my family and friends now read that blog, so I find myself censoring my thoughts and writing only "make nice" things on my blog. Well, sometimes I don't want to "make nice." I want to bitch and moan and complain about the people who are pissing me off, but I don't feel like I can do that. It also means that I'm not comfortable talking about my weight loss efforts on my blog. I like to be completely honest and really put my successes and my failures (AND my stats) out there, but who wants their aunts and uncles and parents knowing how much they weigh? Not me! So, solution? I start a new, super secret, super private, super anonymous blog to talk about my weight loss efforts and how they are impacted by my life experiences. Problem solved.
Who I am, really? Well, I'm a 32 year old woman from the northeastern part of the United States, born and raised. I lived in another state for awhile, but I'm back in my hometown for good. I'm not going to talk about my job here at all, because this blog will be public for anybody in the world to see, but I will say that I'm a professional and I've been doing my job for about 7 years. I will also say that I don't really love it. I do, however, like what it pays and I have a bit more debt to pay off (although I've paid off about 2/3rds of my credit card debt in the past year and a half!), so I'm okay dealing with it for now. I was married and am now divorced, but I'm still together with my ex-husband. There are lots of reasons for that, most of which I probably won't ever get into here. I don't have any kids, but I have one dog who is the best companion I could ever ask for. I want to start trying for kids within the next year or so, which is another reason I seriously need to lose some weight. I'm very much the "organizer" of my group of friends, and I relish that role. I'm mostly Type A, but I've allowed myself to relax as I get older.
I've struggled with my weight pretty much my entire life. I wasn't obese as a child, just bigger than the rest of my friends. Nonetheless, I thought I was huge and went on a diet (SlimFast) when I was 13 years old. There began a lifetime of yo-yo dieting. I maintained at a size 12 to 14 during my teenage and college years. I was athletic and looked great, and of course I didn't realize that at the time. I've always been involved in sports and outdoor activities, so being lazy or sedentary wasn't the problem. I do, however, eat too much, and I have crap metabolism due to hypothyroidism. Obviously that's not working for me. When I started my post-undergraduate education, I gained a lot of weight rapidly, since I wasn't exercising and I was very sedentary. It was also the first time in my life I had lived away from home, so I ate out of loneliness and stress too. I managed to take 65 pounds off before my wedding (and actually, in a very healthy manner, to be honest...calorie counting and exercising), but once the problems in my marriage surfaced I quickly gained every single pound back, plus a few extras. I used sadness and stress as a reason to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it. Essentially, I self-medicate with food. I know I should probably get therapy to deal with this, but I simply can't afford it right now. Paying off my credit card debt and moving out of my mother's house (I moved back in when I moved back home from another state) is my first order of business at this point in my life! I know, however, that I can lose weight with healthy eating and exercise because I've done it before, so I decided that 2008 is the last year I will spend fat. I started following Weight Watchers again this week (for like the 15th time), and I'm going to just take it one day at a time. No grand declarations or gestures here. Been there, done that. I'm simply going to do it, and let the reality speak for itself.
Few more things about me you should know. I do swear. Not like a trucker, but the occasional fuck will make its way into my entries. Shit and ass may feature pretty regularly, especially in combination with other words, such as shithead, assface, etc. I also toss around the word bitch like it's my job, so if you're easily offended by such language, bugger off. If you want to leave a comment, great! Please do! I really love comments, and am something of a comment whore, if you want the truth. If your comment is nasty, however, and you're acting like a jerkwad, I'll just delete it, and make fun of you. A lot. So don't be a jerkwad. So, let's get crackin', shall we?
Who I am, really? Well, I'm a 32 year old woman from the northeastern part of the United States, born and raised. I lived in another state for awhile, but I'm back in my hometown for good. I'm not going to talk about my job here at all, because this blog will be public for anybody in the world to see, but I will say that I'm a professional and I've been doing my job for about 7 years. I will also say that I don't really love it. I do, however, like what it pays and I have a bit more debt to pay off (although I've paid off about 2/3rds of my credit card debt in the past year and a half!), so I'm okay dealing with it for now. I was married and am now divorced, but I'm still together with my ex-husband. There are lots of reasons for that, most of which I probably won't ever get into here. I don't have any kids, but I have one dog who is the best companion I could ever ask for. I want to start trying for kids within the next year or so, which is another reason I seriously need to lose some weight. I'm very much the "organizer" of my group of friends, and I relish that role. I'm mostly Type A, but I've allowed myself to relax as I get older.
I've struggled with my weight pretty much my entire life. I wasn't obese as a child, just bigger than the rest of my friends. Nonetheless, I thought I was huge and went on a diet (SlimFast) when I was 13 years old. There began a lifetime of yo-yo dieting. I maintained at a size 12 to 14 during my teenage and college years. I was athletic and looked great, and of course I didn't realize that at the time. I've always been involved in sports and outdoor activities, so being lazy or sedentary wasn't the problem. I do, however, eat too much, and I have crap metabolism due to hypothyroidism. Obviously that's not working for me. When I started my post-undergraduate education, I gained a lot of weight rapidly, since I wasn't exercising and I was very sedentary. It was also the first time in my life I had lived away from home, so I ate out of loneliness and stress too. I managed to take 65 pounds off before my wedding (and actually, in a very healthy manner, to be honest...calorie counting and exercising), but once the problems in my marriage surfaced I quickly gained every single pound back, plus a few extras. I used sadness and stress as a reason to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it. Essentially, I self-medicate with food. I know I should probably get therapy to deal with this, but I simply can't afford it right now. Paying off my credit card debt and moving out of my mother's house (I moved back in when I moved back home from another state) is my first order of business at this point in my life! I know, however, that I can lose weight with healthy eating and exercise because I've done it before, so I decided that 2008 is the last year I will spend fat. I started following Weight Watchers again this week (for like the 15th time), and I'm going to just take it one day at a time. No grand declarations or gestures here. Been there, done that. I'm simply going to do it, and let the reality speak for itself.
Few more things about me you should know. I do swear. Not like a trucker, but the occasional fuck will make its way into my entries. Shit and ass may feature pretty regularly, especially in combination with other words, such as shithead, assface, etc. I also toss around the word bitch like it's my job, so if you're easily offended by such language, bugger off. If you want to leave a comment, great! Please do! I really love comments, and am something of a comment whore, if you want the truth. If your comment is nasty, however, and you're acting like a jerkwad, I'll just delete it, and make fun of you. A lot. So don't be a jerkwad. So, let's get crackin', shall we?
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